just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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