of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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