Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
