isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
