i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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