So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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