Define "chronic" masturbator.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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