i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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