GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
