look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i believe in u and ur pee
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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