At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's like heaven, but drunker
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm always down for nudity.
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