If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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