I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
