Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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