We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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