whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
