i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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