She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
