i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
