I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
