He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
