so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
