My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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