i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
