I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
