I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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