Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
