I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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