Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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