do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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