Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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