I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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