Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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