Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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