You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
