I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
