Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
