just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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