she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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