i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
