Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
