My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
