So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
