Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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