you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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