so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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