see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My life is pants optional.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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