Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
