I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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