Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
