I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
