i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
