Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
