I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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