john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
