The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
