she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
