I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
