I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
